On the last week of 2013, i bought my first cup of ABC juice. I swear it tastes like mud when i tried my friend’s one. Although with each complaint for each try (I don’t know how my friend tolerates me), i may have secretly enjoyed it. Maybe it’s one of those acquired taste kind of food. The one i got for myself tastes nothing like mud. It tastes like lemongrass?? Think i prefer the muddy tasting one.
I’ve learnt that the beet in ABC juice turns your poop red, subsequently purple. It seems the color tends to fade, within my body/digestive system.
Think i only learnt to write proper essays with citations and referencing just last year in 2013. I didn’t need to do that in poly because animation course. It’s a nice change from bulkier sketchbooks and light boxes (holy shit those are heavy as an elephant) to laptops. Nothing to brag but i noticed i might be getting more fluent in essay writing stuffs. Although to be honest, it’s more of improved bullshitting skills. Then i pat myself on the back for sustaining a blog. How am i voluntarily writing chunks of words. I planned to type something here a week ago but i really couldn’t because i was struggling with some mind sucking school essay.
Age might be catching up to me. I learnt that I cannot pull all nighters without having visible effects. I will literally look ‘shag’. It’s not that i was a vampire before this and all nighters are not tiring at all, but it didn’t show as much when i was, *gasps* younger. Now i understand why they call it beauty sleep. On the same note of sleep, I’m also learning to appreciate firmer mattresses. No more squishy soft mattresses that are fun to sink into. Now they scare me because back aches are real.
I got small gifts for my family on Christmas. Okay, it’s a pride thing, but i dig deep into my pocket when it comes to gifting. I would set a budget that I can barely scrape out, and top that just a little more. Hence, i have been missing some gifts for my mum in 2013 because i can’t afford a ‘decent’ one. Ugh. No more empty handed appearances for special occasions. I learnt that even without the ‘ideal’ gift, a small item would be good as a gesture. Will get my mum nice stuffs when i graduate and can afford more without bleeding.
I don’t know why is this list getting more embarrassing as it goes. But this year, i have learnt to participate in group chats. I was in the same group chat with a friend, and she replied without any hesitation. It was like witnessing fearlessness at that point. Go ahead, laugh, whatsapp group chats are apparently intimidating. I tend to read too much into it, and wonder why am i getting ignored sometimes. Then i shrivel into my corner and wilts from rejection. I have learnt to be bold since! *stoic*
Okay, i should stop for now already. Haha
I am mind blocked by all the new year’s resolutions i see around. some are so good, i can’t resolve anything to top that. And there are the tacky ones that i wish to avoid, haha. but here’s my resolution:
to be healthy, happy and to make this the best year yet.
(tackiness apparently unavoidable in this case)
First thing after work, i’ll be heading to Ion to get that sweet blue 2014 planner from kikki.k. it’s written ‘best year yet’ on the cover, it’s really cute. JUST SEE BELOW! sorry i’m just so excited
‘Why wait for a new year to change‘. << THIS is everywhere.
okay, i get where it is coming from. one should be ever changing and improving all year around, yadah yadah.
But hello,just because one can make changes any other time of the year, doesn’t mean it’s wrong to make new year’s resolutions. I feel so defensive about this, because the tone is so condescending and like implying people haven’t done anything till new year’s eve then they TRY to get their act together wishfully. ugh. i just can’t.
i honestly like the time of new year to look at things that happened in hindsight with this positive attitude that everything is going to be better. Even if it means people start aiming for the more challenging albeit slightly impractical stuffs, like going to gym 4 times a week and having cakes only once a month (??! omgosh how can), AT LEAST it serves as a trigger point for some majestic change. why not give some props for that.
look i changed the look. new year new theme!
The only time when I did sensible stuffs was probably when I was young enough to obediently follow my mum’s instructions. I did my homework, attended tuition classes when my mum told me to and even drank those brain development milk thingies when i have phobia of dairy products. After which, defiance literally got the better of me. If I were to try illustrate the frequency of my irresponsible actions, it might be a bell curve graph. Pretty decent while growing up, good, maintain…then WTF IS HAPPENING?! Well, at least, I’m starting to see how atrociously immature I can be, which conveniently shocks me into growing some shit up. And hopefully, bringing my nonsense to a more reasonable level. Hence, a wistful bell curve instead of an upward graph of no return.
Anywho.. few ‘grown up stuffs’ I’m trying to do:
(I’m convinced that acting mature does not come easy to me at all.
Cos honestly, these are some really basic stuffs. Baby steps yo)
Taking daily breakfast
I have missed enough breakfasts to resolve the mystery of why I scoff my lunches down at unhealthy speeds. Also read how having breakfasts help with metabolism and god knows good metabolic rates are the key to occasional treats and desserts. I love to enjoy some cake or brownie at the end of dinner.
Making solid plans
I can be such a terrible friend for being lazy and flaking out at times. Fortunately for you friends of mine who are still around, I am taking our little dinner plans or supper nights a little more seriously. I will not flake out until you do (:
As a girl (yes, totally going with the gender thing), we tend to get overly optimistic with our preparation timing. Somehow we refuse to acknowledge that we spend way too much time matching our outfits. I learnt to just leave the house when time is up, with whatever (reasonable) outfit I have on and make it work through the day. Tough love for self. Maturity.
Being neat and organized
As a half fledged working adult, I’ve learnt to keep my workspace neat and tidy. Which makes it even more ironic why I can’t do the same back at home, when I even initiate improvisations for filing system in the office. Trying to minimize the tornadoes of mess that I leave around the house..
There was 13 into glorious adolescence, sweet 16, legal 18 then BAM suddenly the big 21!
Came out of nowhere!
Does that mean a magical fairy will come when the clock strikes 12,
she would dust some magic powder on me and voila!
If that’s the case, i have a short list for the magic to work on.
Because..I would like to:
1. Go to Europe
(and not just for shopping in Paris! although that would be one of the first things i’d like to do when i get there)
2. Go shopping in Bangkok! That’s right, i’ve never been there before. I am deprived.
3. Have a dog! A huge huggable one.
4. Watch sunrise. (To get out of bed at that hour would take a decent amount of that magic dust.)
5. Ride in a helicopter over a beautiful land
6. Attend a yacht party and pop champagnes
7. Play on a concert piano like a pro. (Let me be Yiruma for just one day)
8. Zip through the city’s night lights in a luxury convertible
I have more over here. a.k.a. more embarrassing stuff i have yet to try.
Recently, I had this euphoric moment to be bold.
This is probably quite silly.
See, i’ve been drafting my personal descriptions in pencil.
or like Natasha Beddingfield, i’m ‘Unwritten’.
But it’s about time to toss out my pencil and start using the pen!
Bold strokes, nothing less.
Speaking of which, think i would also like to get a tattoo.
‘You pour yourself into the thing that measures you and it defines you.’
‘My worry is that what you measure yourself with ends up defining you.
And I just hope that one day you find out that you’re fuller
when you measure yourself in love and people and moments,
instead of things, adoration and money.’ (quoted from here)
It’s not that hard to tell what you use to define yourself, the things you pride yourself in.
It’s okay, everyone has their own bits and pieces.
Maybe i was too settled and got curious with your stuff in your container.
i tried to fill my jar with the same stuff that you use to fill yours.
Most of them are like broken acrylic
The bits and pieces are small and pointy.
made of plastic, scratching my jar everywhere and barely filling anything.
It sucks to focus on things, money, adoration and other superfluos what nots.
i’m sick of feeling insufficient, feeling like i’m made up of numbers,
like i need to laboriously improve stupid numbers.
it’s time to reset and redefine.
Today I noticed I got more mysterious scratches than usual.
Usually one mysterious paper cut gets me feeling pensive.
Why pensive? One might ask.
My brainy brain likes to link it with the mysteries of life.
Self internal dialogue :
“Oh look, I’ve got a paper cut and I don’t even know where it is from.. “
“Hmm. Sometimes, my heart is aching and I don’t even realize it.”
Got me feeling, non-tangible wounds can be as accidental as a mere paper cuts.
Some tend be rough on the edges, and you’d easily get abrasions if you get too close.
Too bad these shapes can’t be seen easily in the real world,
It’s not like everyone has a sticker on their foreheads as descriptions.
At least one way to tell is when you didn’t watch your fingers and the pain sets in.
i’m not the nicest person on earth, nor the most selfless.
but there are moments when i am nice alright!
at times i do feel life is already so hard as it is.
why be another one to add on the the hurt of another person?
i feel like being the soothing aloe vera for your sunburn,
the yummy chocolate cake for relaxing from a strict diet.
not trying to be noble, but because
life’s not a breeze for me all the time and i’m just trying to empathize and help.
however, i soon learn that it doesnt pay to be TOO nice.
treat someone too nice and they’ll take you for granted.
i guess when you allow yourself to be someone’s doormat, they won’t stop you from doing so.
i’m also guilty of being responsive and responsible for some mind games.
making use of some door mats, being an occasional door mat.
yeah trying to be nice but actually leading someone on to be your personal door mat,
is just one type of mind game.
no matter what people claim,
mind games still have their places.
and they’re still pretty damn effective, sadly so.
it’s just human nature.