It’s not just writer’s block. It’s carthasis. Carthasis, is an ugly word. Carthasis is also the process of outpouring from strong, repressed emotions. According to psychoanalytical theories, this emotional release is linked to a need to relief unconscious conflicts citing stress over work related situations which can cause feelings of frustration and tension. I recently learnt of this word from a friend who studied pyschology. She dropped this word in a normal sentence like “Oh, you just really need some carthasis.” like it’s your everyday vocabulary. And after i understood that word, i went ‘yeah yeah! that’s me!!! I need some of that carthasis!’
My previous entry here was about prepping mentally for my new job. This current entry is just a continuation of that. I wish there was a more exciting reason why I dont have time to write here, like my life got oh so happening but it’s really just the contrary. For the past 2 months, i was just trying to be the best sponge i can be. Absorbing and learning every single day. It’s fulfilling, challenging and great but.. I have zero energy left when i reach home. I’m not complaining though. I just learnt my human limits.
All these while, i have been quick to retreat into my comfort zone the moment i reach home. I left my brains in the office and i dont have a single shred of urgency much less be task driven etc etc. Basically from a sponge at work, i transform into a couch potato at home. Since work started, i feel like i dont have an ounce of energy nor motivation in me to do anything productive. Nonetheless my list of personal maintenance aka my sanity, only keeps growing and piling and piling… Things that keep me sane includes reading and writing. I have all these thoughts i want to get out, and all these emotions i want to validate and release.
This is where carthasis comes in. Carthasis is basically a release for emotions and I’m going to use pooping as an analogy. Imagine if one doesnt poop for a long time, it’s just going to end up really bad, right? With those toxins built up inside, it feels horrible. And that’s how i feel. I feel… emotionally constipated.