the bitter, bittersweet and.. the sweeet

by chloepeh

Things were so rosy when I last talked about it. The past 5 months feel so short and so long at the same time. 5 months ago was the last time me and Nicholas held each other before he left for UK again. Distance has taken such a toll on us. Words and intentions got warped, misunderstanding only piled up. More often than not, it feels like we’re drowning and also drifting apart. In this weird space of jaded endurance of distance and bated breath for his return, I’m learning just how bittersweet love can be. 

Once I brought up my relationship with my mum, and she jokingly suggested we should just break up since we argue so much. Can’t say it never crossed my mind. But she also added that as long as the arguments decrease from more to less, it’s a better sign than it growing from less to more and more arguments. It’s comforting to hear a decelerating rate is better than an accelerating rate. And decelerating means it needs to starts somewhere high before it goes down right?  

So that’s the bitter part. Bitter can be so unbearable.

Bittersweet are those moments where we reach hard towards each other. When we need to speak out truths especially when it’s hard, to hear each other out when it’s painful. Sometimes it’s hard even just to say something. Times where we need to make apologies that are hard. Times where we hurt, and also the hurt from knowing how much we have hurt the other person in the process.

The sweet part is being reminded of what a great person I have fallen in love with. Fun, is an understatement when I think of what we can do together when he comes back. He feels like home, and him coming back means that I’m also coming home to him. I have already got tickets for musuems, parks, and not excluding our air ticket for Taiwan. (Maybe that’s why we can’t break up,ha.) I almost forgot how much I enjoy talking about anything under the sun with him and simply feeling at ease in each other’s presence.

In hindsight, it’s a great feat that we made it. We haven’t gave up when it was much easier to. And the reward of still having each other, makes all the pain worthwhile. Happy 9 months darling. 

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