2015 takeaway

by chloepeh

I think I had a moment of epiphany. So here it is. 

In a blink of an eye, it’s almost the end of Jan 2016. At this point, I am able to conclude some of the things I took away from 2015. 

1. Thou shall not over internalize. 

Bad shit just happens. Good shit just happens too. I know that because, sometimes as much as I try to control things to go smoothly with all my means, something just has to screw up unexpectedly. Likewise how nice events occur unexpectedly, without me even trying (not complaining). I realize I’d been having an over estimated sense of control.  We can control what we can. But sometimes it’s better for one’s sanity by taking a small step back and let life roll out. I am not going to take every damn thing so personally anymore, as everyone knows –  life can be a bitch. 

2. Venting outlets are important

Due to contraint of time and energy, I found myself not being able to express my thoughts and emotions as I normally prefer. For most of last year, work got too busy for me to do what I usually like to do, such as penning down my thoughts or catching up with my support pillars or simply reading a book and sipping tea, etc. Prolonged periods of overworking, and I found myself being burnt out. That’s when I realize that no matter how life busy gets, I still need to find some time to take care of myself – emotionally and mentally. It’s important to find ways for carthasis, even if you have to get creative. 
3. Excuses dont save you

On the note of taking care of myself, further emphasis that nobody is going to do that job for me. Not even excuses. If I am caught in a tough situation with odds stacked up against me, how much can I blame, before I want to do something about it. As legit as the adversities are, am I going to allow myself be consumed by negativities? If I do that, then the obstacles are actually just a convenient excuse. Sometimes I think to myself, I just don’t have enough energy, or I’m not mentally prepared, or it can simply wait. But am I really okay to miss out on what I set out to do due to those reasons? Will I really get started when those reasons have passed and become invalid e.g when I do have enough energy for it? Or is it just procrastination?  Occasionally you get help from people and that’s a blessing in life. Friends who come around and help you feel better, add some perspectives, remind you, to add to the push factor. At the end of the day, only I can decide for myself when and how I want to get to places. 

4. Many things in life are subjective, especially opinions. 

Just take for example how you have a certain impression of someone and one fine day they do something that you don’t quite expect, something that doesnt fit your perceived profile of them. And you simply go, ‘Oh? I see’. Similarly, what the people around me have on me, is simply an impression. I portray what I want people to see. I find myself getting overly concerned about people’s opinions, asking myself if it is weird if I say this, or do that. Am i being out of character? Late last year, I tried shifting focus on what I want to say and do instead. People may be expecting me to behave in a certain manner, but it is certainly liberating to not give a shit to that. Life is too short to care about finicky nonsense. 

5. It’s never too late to start

Better late than never. Less is better than nothing at all. I’m trying not to be afraid to face my mistakes and change my direction. So all these while I might have been doing something incorrectly, followed by being embroiled in self blame- asking why didn’t I think of this earlier, look at the could have beens, yada yada, spiralling downwards. I want to take a step back, and admit to myself that yes, it is a mistake. Thing is, mistakes are a natural part of life. You are always moving forward – if you don’t err, you don’t grow. I am not perfect and will never be, and learning to accept that it is okay. Once I embrace that, it is easier to let down my pride and actually get down to taking the necessary actions for the better. 

2015 hasn’t exactly been easy. But I held on, gritted my teeth and tided through the ups and down. Truly, it is how you handle adversities, not how it affects you.