Notes on my iPhone

by chloepeh

This year 2016, I started picking up this practice to actually jot down my thoughts whenever I do get that urge/inspiration/whatever you call it..which I am trying hard to learn not be lazy and ignore them like I usually do. 

I pen down those thoughts which have overcrowded my mind, the type which I have encountered enough to know those kind of thoughts don’t just slide away. 
So, the way I do it is writing everything into this one note, created with the basic yet trusty Notes app on my iPhone where I dedicate add-ons here and there throughout the week. I know it is trusty because every single damn note created, will be backed up on iCloud. The first few notes are dated way back to the beginning of time. No one actually cleans up their notes, come on. Just try it for yourself, scroll all the way down and find a random brain fart dated 2014. 

Apparently this is an important consideration factor for me to decide where to imprint my mind process. God knows I have experimented with many other ways – including the very cute 2016 planner which I shelled out $30 for, which is currently collecting dust. And hence, I embark on my frequent private writing. 

Last year I mentioned my struggle on how to properly organize my memory and this really helps. With most of my carthasis done offline, this is why I havent felt a strong urge to write here (excuses haha) 

Here’s a little snippet of it..

1 Mar 2016

Just got off the phone with Jasmine. Going to let my emotions be. If I’m going through this dark valley, so be it. I’m not going to fight it anymore because it has only been counter productive. 

Wow, 1 Mar. It felt like I was done with that phase long ago. That was a mini turning point for me, I was going through quite an unhappy period. Had some strong emotions regarding my workplace, and as work is, it occupies bulk of your day, your week. So inevitably I was really affected and struggled to calibrate myself. I am okay now but the way to get here, I realized, is not by extinguishing all bad thoughts and emotions. I constantly did it for some time and it only made me sadder. It was ironic as I had lamented aloud that I was sad and became even sadder that I was sad, and on and on. The harder I fought against my emotions be it negative or positive, it actually comes back at harder. And it can be very frustrating when what you are doing is creating an exact opposite of what you want to achieve. 

That night, it was comforting to have her on the phone to encourage me that everything will be okay. Forget about labels like ‘clinical depression’ for now, let the emotions past – days do too, and see how it goes. If things doesn’t become better, we will come back to it. But things did become better. 

I have now accepted that some periods of your life are just going to be less sunny. You might feel crappy for awhile and it’s okay. I don’t need to pressure myself into being happy every single day. 

And I could have easily forgotten the significance of what happened if I didn’t jot that down. 

Actually I also have another note called  ‘Adventures of Esmond and me’..kidding, I simply uncreatively put his name as the title. It’s where I document any emotions which are more than ‘neutral gear’. 

Maybe I could do part 2? Stay tuned.